If you're watching Seacrest try out the Mani Cam, you've stayed too long. Switch over to ABC with me!
8:01: One minute in and we've already got a naked Lena Dunham. No thanks.
8:07: Hmm, for the first time ever no show from the four major networks was nominated for best drama. Are cable shows really just better because of boobs and cursing?
8:09: Kind of rude to show a Community clip in the comedy montage when they got snubbed.
8:11: For real, Amy Poehler's cleavage. Breakup dress, anyone?
8:12: I still think it's overkill that every single male lead in Modern Family was nominated. I was really pulling for Max Greenfield...but hey, it's only his first year, right? Eric Stonestreet is giving a crazy long acceptance speech...also overkill considering he won last year, too.
8:19: Why is Zooey having so much trouble with the teleprompter? At least Louis C.K. won and not Girls. Also, why are they saying where everyone was "born and raised"?
8:22: My first laugh goes to Breaking Bad as The Andy Griffith Show.
8:26: So far the wins have been unsurprising and the show uneventful. Modern Family is pretty consistently great, so that's fair, I guess. Meh. But everyone on Twitter seems to agree that this year's theme is boobs! Kat Dennings is probably the only one who can come close to Christina Hendricks, and she was barely contained. I also like to see her in something other than a gothic-ly dark lip for once. Apparently if Jim Parsons wins again, he'll be the first three-timer since Michael J. Fox in Family Ties. Not deserved, in my opinion, but we shall see.
8:35: Third award in the show goes to Modern Family once again. This is getting boring! But their skit about Lily being a tyrant is pretty good.
8:38: Melissa McCarthy is the best thing ever. Why is she so awesome? Aaaaand now it's ruined. Nothing against Jon Cryer, but seriously? Two and Half Men? Even he thinks something went wrong. And he forgot to thank Charlie Sheen for almost ruining his career.
8:44: Amy Poehler has been nominated seven times in the past five years and hasn't won. See! So many things wrong with the world. She deserves the win! Especially over Dunham. Whoa! Julia Louis Dreyfus! Did not see that coming. What a cute bit...See, Poehler was robbed.
8:49: Time for reality, but it just doesn't interest me. And The Situation saying "We're getting pale. It's like the end of civilization" is the reason. What an awkward cutaway though. Tom Bergeron looked way too on-pins-and-needles and they hadn't even finished their bit yet.
8:59: I don't even like Family Guy but I can't help but love Seth MacFarlane. He sounds like an old timey radio announcer.
9:07: Aww, Aaron Paul should teach Taylor Swift his surprised face. He also did good faces sitting next to Dita von Teese at the Burberry show in London last week. I don't watch Breaking Bad though (I know) so I would've liked to see Jared Harris from Mad Men win; he had an intense season.
Look at that stink eye!
9:17: A little unfair that the writers are the only ones to get music-ed off, no?
9:18: Dame Maggie wins for Downton Abbey but isn't there. Another show I've barely watched. But to be fair, they all speak really quietly and since I live on a loud street, I have to turn up the TV ridiculously loud to understand what's going on. So I gave up.
9:27: Haha okay, the faux-In Memoriam bit was pretty good. Took me a second but Josh Groban dramatically singing One Direction? Awesome.
9:28: Jon Hamm is robbed AGAIN. Who is this guy? Michael C. Hall is not amused, either.
I still love you, Jon Hamm.
9:36: Oh no! Of course there's a garbage truck outside my window when Tiny Fey and Jon Hamm come on.
9:39: ...Claire Danes just said "holla." Anyway, I guess this means I have to start watching Homeland. She also just said "baby daddy."
9:42: Obviously Beyoncé announcing her pregnancy is a highlight of "the year in variety."
9:43: "Brilliant, bloody brilliant. Fish and chips. Cheers." Aziz Ansari is so great. Why wasn't Tom Haverford nominated again? Kind of awesome that Louis C.K. won best variety over all those fancy awards shows.
9:50: "They've flown me out for the big one...directing in a variety special." Ricky Gervais should present more. It's really meta that they just gave an Emmy to the guy directing the Emmys.
9:56: So The Daily Show has won this 10 years in a row. But Colbert is so much better! And so is Jimmy Fallon. What a bummer.
10:06: Jessica Lange is a FOX.
10:14: I'll admit I only watched the first night of Hatfields & McCoys. I love that kind of stuff but it was just. So. Boring. Also WHAT is he talking about?
10:18: Ron Howard remembering Andy Griffith is making me tear up. So dang cute. I didn't know Davy Jones and Richard Dawson had died, how could I not know that? My grandparents once met Davy Jones at a party and got him to sign a paper plate for my mom.
10:29: Julianne Moore wins for playing Sarah Palin in Game Change and seems genuinely happy and grateful and surprised. Don't know how I feel about that yellow dress, though.
10:36: The Emmys are so boring right now that I have found a website called Everything is Better with Inception Music...it really is. Costner still looks good though. Everyone's saying he went all Clint Eastwood but I missed it.
10:48: WHAT?! Homeland beats Mad Men? I give up.
10:55: But: Michael J. Fox, I love you. Seriously. I love you. I'm not even mad Modern Family won again, especially if it means The Big Bang Theory didn't win. And the commercials and making me excited for the new season—pregnant Gloria!
10:58: And with that, I'm out. Time to shower and go to bed. How old am I again?
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